St. John Vianney

Catholic Church

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  • Sacraments
    • Baptism
      • Preparation | Infants – 6 Years Old
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      • First Reconciliation Preparation
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      • First Eucharist Preparation
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      • Preparation | Adults
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    • Anointing of the Sick
  • Ministries
    • Liturgical Ministers
      • Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion
      • Altar Servers
      • Lectors
      • Ushers
      • Greeters
    • Music Ministry
      • Adult Choirs
      • Youth Choirs
      • Cantors
      • Instrumentalists
      • Wedding Music
      • Funeral Music
      • SJV Instruments
        • The Bells of St. John Vianney
        • Austin Organ
        • Visser-Rowland Organ
    • Pastoral Care & Spiritual Life
      • Retreats
        • ACTS
      • Ministry to the Sick
      • Funeral & Bereavement Support
      • Prayer & Devotional Groups
      • Enrichment & Support Groups
    • Parish Life
      • Groups
      • Lenten Meals
      • Summer Camp
      • Fall Bazaar
      • Dinners For Eight
      • Young Adults
    • Social Services
      • Service Opportunities
      • Respect Life
      • Programs That Nourish The Hungry
      • Service Missions
      • Disaster Relief Ministry
      • Habitat for Humanity
      • Monthly Newsletter
    • Young Adults
      • Get to Know Us
      • Young Adult Events
      • College Connect
      • Young Professionals
      • Resources
      • Photo Gallery
    • Youth Ministry
  • Faith Formation
    • Adult Formation
      • Bible Studies
      • Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA)
      • Re-Membering Church
      • Sacrament Preparation for Adults
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    • Youth Ministry
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      • Weekly Bulletin
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      • Joseph’s Coat Resale Shop
      • Pilgrimages & Trips
      • Dinners For Eight
    • Father Troy’s Weekly Letter
    • Sunday Reflections
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First Sunday of Advent Year C

On the First Sunday of Advent we hear, as we did two weeks ago from the Gospel of Mark, about “end times.” 

There has always been much discussion and speculation about the Second Coming; when it will be and what it will be like. However, as we’ve heard from Jesus himself, that time is not ours to know. 

But the one great truth we do know is that history is going somewhere. We are not on a treadmill through time rather, our life has a goal, and that goal is Jesus Christ. He spoke clearly about the Second Coming (also known as the Parousia), and other New Testament writings emphasize it as well.

And so, it follows that we must never think that we are living in a settled situation.  We are called to live in a state of expectation, not drowsiness. We must live in the shadow of eternity with the certainty that we will, fittingly or unfittingly, stand before the Son of man.

The Gospel passage for Sunday has its beginning earlier in the Chapter when Jesus predicts that the Temple will be destroyed (21:6), and with the disciples’ question, “Teacher, when will this be, and what will be the sign when this is about to happen?” (v. 7).  Jesus responds by telling of wars and rumors of wars, earthquakes, and plagues (vv. 9-11), the arrest of his followers and resultant opportunities for witnessing (vv. 12-19), and the destruction of Jerusalem (vv. 20-24).  Then come the cosmic signs of verses 25-28, our Gospel for Sunday.

Jesus does not say these things to frighten us, but to prepare us.  Our proper response is not to be terrified (v. 9), but to avoid being led astray by false teachers (v. 8) and to take advantage of opportunities for witnessing created by the turmoil (v. 13). We are not to be concerned about preparing our defense, “for I will give you a mouth and wisdom which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict” (v. 15).

This is a very different view from that which is too often proclaimed from apocalyptic pulpits today.  There is no car suddenly left driverless at a “Rapture”.  Jesus does not lift us above turmoil and suffering but drops us into the middle of it.

Jesus’ purpose is not to insulate us from discomfort, but to prepare us for redemption.

Be prepared – read the instructions!

https://www.flipsnack.com/sjvhouston/liturgy-of-the-word-1st-sunday-of-advent-yr-c/full-view.html

 

 

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates

Solemnity Of Christ The King Year B

Sunday marks the end of our liturgical Church Year.  On the following Sunday, the first Sunday of Advent, we begin anew the ancient pattern of days, the circle of the Church Year. 

The Scripture passages proclaimed this weekend tell the story of Christ the King.  The Psalmist portrays a King, a man with splendid apparel, whose throne stands firm and will not be moved.

The Second Reading from the Book of Revelation has Jesus rolling in with the clouds proclaiming, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the one who is and was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Strength, power, dominion, glory.  This is the picture of the King these passages convey.

But then we get to the Gospel and the picture changes.  We find Jesus in front of Pilate.  Already arrested.  Already committed to what He knows will take place all too soon.

The exchange between Pilate and Jesus is about kingship.  Jesus’ royal status dominates the interrogation of Jesus by Pilate.

What kind of King is Jesus and what exactly does His kingdom look like?  The Gospels are full of parables about the Kingdom of God. “The Kingdom of God is like…” they begin. 

Jesus is a King whose power does not come from amassing troops or money or land.  Rather, He is a King whose dominion comes from His willingness to lay it all down; to lay His very life down for others – for us.

It is not the kind of King Pilate was familiar with nor anybody else around Jesus for that matter.  A King whose strength and power come from love and sacrifice not dominion and might.  The boundaries of His kingdom are not defined by anything other than God’s unfailing love.

It is easy for us to agree with Jesus, to confess Him as King and agree that His kingship was something quite different than either the Roman or the Jewish leadership understood by the term. 

The problem for us is not proclaiming Christ’s kingship.  Rather, the problem may be living as if we believe that Christ is King, that our allegiance to Him transcends every other allegiance or commitment or connection. 

The problem may be that we suffer from the same malady that plagued Pilate.  Throughout his dealings with Jesus, Pilate reveals himself as indecisive and noncommittal.  He is looking for ways to negotiate through the situation in order to preserve his power and avoid difficult decisions.

It is that temptation that confronts us today.  The temptation to confess with our lips but deny with our lives that Christ is King.

When Pilate begins his interrogation with his question to Jesus: “Are you the King of the Jews?” Jesus, in typical fashion, responds with a question of His own by asking Pilate a crucial question: “Do you say this on your own or have others told you about me?”    

Today Jesus is asking us if we call him King merely because we’ve heard others say it or because we personally know Him to be King.  Is he really our King, or is this just a slogan we’ve heard in church?  Do we believe that He is King or do we merely parrot what we’ve heard others say?

Today, the Lord invites us to allow Him to be our King.  And to those who say “yes”, the Lord has this further question: “Are you saying this on your own…?”

Is He really your King?  There are implications to your response.

Let us thank God that through the length of our days, from season to season, we are enabled to grow into the knowledge and love of His kingdom by pondering the King’s proclamations!

https://www.flipsnack.com/sjvhouston/liturgy-of-the-word-solemnity-of-christ-the-king-yr-b/full-view.html

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates

30th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B

For Jesus, the end of the road was not far away; He is on the way to Jerusalem for Passover by way of Jericho which was only about 15 miles from Jerusalem.

On his way out of the city Jesus encounters a blind beggar, Bartimaeus who, upon hearing that Jesus is passing through, cries out to him, “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me.”  Many rebuke him but Bartimaeus will not be silenced and cries out a second time.

Those traveling with Jesus look upon Bartimaeus as an interruption on the journey and try to silence him.  Jesus, on the other hand, sees Bartimaeus as the point of the journey.

The healing of blind Bartimaeus is, on the surface, a miracle story but it is also, and more profoundly, a demonstration of faith evidenced by the sheer persistence of Bartimaeus and by his immediate response to the call of Jesus; he throws aside his cloak and runs to Jesus.

Many a person hears the call of Jesus but says in effect, “wait until I have done this,” or “wait until I can do that.”  But Bartimaeus “sprang up.”  Sometimes we have a wave of longing to abandon some habit, to purify life of some wrong thing; to give ourselves more completely to Jesus but so very often, we do not act on it in the moment and the opportunity to demonstrate our readiness and willingness to leave all for God – passes.

Bartimaeus may have been a beggar by the wayside, but he was a person of gratitude.  Having received his sight, he followed Jesus.  He did not selfishly go on his way when his need was met.  He began with need, went on to gratitude, and finished with loyalty – a good summary of the stages of discipleship.

Let the word unfold on the stage of your life!

https://www.flipsnack.com/sjvhouston/liturgy-of-the-word-30th-sunday-in-ordinary-time-year-b/full-view.html

Adult Formation

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, Sunday Reflections

29th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Throughout the Gospels James and John, together with Peter, form an inner circle among the Twelve.

In Sunday’s Gospel reading James and John ask Jesus if one of them can sit on his right and the other on his left when he comes into his glory.  The other ten apostles are indignant when they learn of the request.

In a society that prized status and honor, Jesus’ disciples want to know where they stand (recall 9:33-37) and what place they can expect in the kingdom (this week’s Gospel).

The request of James and John reveals their self-centeredness and how they, like the other disciples, failed to grasp the meaning of Jesus’ Passion predictions recorded in the preceding chapters. 

The two disciples’ confident but foolish response to Jesus’ question about drinking the cup that he will drink and being baptized with the baptism with which he will be baptized illustrates the depth of their misunderstanding and ironically prepares for the cowardice they will display when Jesus is arrested.

In turn, Jesus’ response to them reveals that some functions or power are left to God the Father. 

The introduction of “the ten” provides a narrative connection between the presumptuous request of James and John and Jesus’ teaching about true leadership as the service of others.  In the New Testament letters diakonos is often used to refer to a church official, here it carries the more basic sense of servant.  The phrase, “slave of all” is paradoxical.   A slave (doulos) usually belongs to one owner and does the bidding of that one owner.  By recommending that his followers become the “slave of all” Jesus underlines his ideal of universal service toward others.

The tendency toward self-promotion is part of our human nature.  Jesus teaches us by his own life and ministry that discipleship, however, is not about seeking places of honor but about humbling oneself and serving others.

The servant leadership Jesus exemplified is opposed to any fascination with power and precedence.  The Church of every age must be wary of imitating those oppressive structures of power and prestige that characterize the rulers of that world, and this one, and must imitate the kind of servant leadership embodied in Jesus, who gave his life for others; to others – us!

Receive his gift!

https://www.flipsnack.com/sjvhouston/liturgy-of-the-word-29th-sunday-ot-yr-b/full-view.html

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, Sunday Reflections

COVID-19 Protocols Update

A message from Fr. Troy…

Dear Friends in Christ,

We look forward to seeing you all this weekend as we celebrate Pentecost Sunday.  I invite you, as you feel comfortable, to in-person participation in the Sacraments and parish life.  With the updated news from the Archdiocese, below are the updated protocols for St. John Vianney:

  • Social distancing is no longer required.
  • Masks are no longer required but may still be worn by those who choose to do so.
  • The offertory procession of the gifts will resume.
  • For those who choose, Holy Communion may be received on the tongue.
  • Meetings and events may resume.

Beginning Tuesday, June 1  the 7:00 p.m. Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays will return the chapel.  On Wednesday, June 2, the Novena to Our Mother of Perpetual and the other devotions will also return to the chapel.

I continue to pray for each of you and your families.  God bless.

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, SJV News

We Honor Mary in the Month of May

Let’s join the entire Church in prayer

Pope Francis has called for a global prayer marathon for the entire month of May, praying for the end to the pandemic.

Each day in May, there will be a livestream from one of 30 chosen Marian shrines or sanctuaries to guide the prayer at 6 pm Rome time (noon EDT) on all Vatican media platforms.

The pope will open the monthlong prayer May 1 and conclude it May 31, the council said.

Click here for more information from the Texas Catholic Herald.

For daily prayer and spiritual resources, visit our Pastoral Care Webpage.

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, SJV News

COVID-19 Vaccinations

In response to a few recent inquiries, at all competent levels in the Catholic Church (Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Ordinary of the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston) upon hearing and examining the possible moral and ethical issues have stated that it is morally permissible for Catholics to participate and receive the COVID-19 Vaccines (Moderna, Pfizer and AstraZeneca).

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates

A Christmas Like No Other

Keys for Mental and Spiritual Wellbeing  during the Holidays

By Deacon Jeff Willard

All of us realize that this Christmas is a new experience full of obstacles, limitations and distance.

If you are like me, you are tired of hearing about the “new normal” and long for the old normal. The holiday season however tends to bring about difficulties even during “normal” years. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) finds that 64% of those with a mental illness report that the winter holidays worsen their condition. Add to this the distancing of this year and it stands to reason this will be a rough year.

Professionals call this Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It is common for all of us to experience a bit of sadness during the holidays. We often long for a time when at least in our minds, things were better, happier, hopeful.

There are positive ways to address this feeling and this year, more than ever we need to focus on the positive.

Exercise – Physical activity helps us to boost our mood, lower our blood pressure and improve circulation.

Hobbies – If you enjoy crafting or puzzle making, reading or journaling, listening to music or some other activity, schedule time each day to devote to your hobby.

Relax – Take a nap, a bath, or just spend time in quiet prayer. Focus on letting go of the stress and welcoming the peace of God.

Communicate – It is very important that even if we are distanced physically, we keep close emotionally. Call a friend, write an email or letter. Talk to a professional if you feel your sadness is too extreme to handle alone.

Manage your expectations – This year doesn’t have to be like other years in how you prepare, and how you celebrate. Realistically consider how you and your family may start some new traditions.

Avoid excessive drinking – Contrary to popular belief, consumption of alcohol does not reduce stress.

Be grateful – Express your gratitude by doing something for others. You could call someone that you ordinarily do not speak with, to wish them well. You can donate to your parish or a charity. Most of all, be grateful to God that even when times are difficult, he is always present.

Of all the things that you can do, please remember to pray. Pray for your own situation, pray for the parish and our priests, pray for our nation. God is not distant, all we have to do is talk to him.

Be joyful! Yes, this Christmas may be like no other, but with the proper mindset, this could be remembered as a Christmas filled with unique grace and blessings!

 

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates

Moving Forward

Dear Friends in Christ:

With everything going on, it is difficult to know how to navigate from one day to the next. Just to bring you up to date on where we are here at the parish, we are attempting to chart a course that is prudent and moderate. While a middle road aimed at the common good is a good approach, there is a problem with it.  There are always some who are dissatisfied.  Unlike with Goldilocks’, there is no porridge that is “just right” for everyone. Because what we are doing is not perfect for everyone at all times, patience, forgiveness, understanding, self-sacrifice and above all, charity are needed.  Without them, we only succeed in making matters worse.  2020 has been a year which in many ways has revealed our true character.  It has revealed our strengths as well as our weaknesses.  As the scriptures attest, “Gold is tested in fire, and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation.  Trust in God, and He will help you; make your ways straight and hope in Him.”  (Sirach 2: 5.6) During this past year, there have been times when our golden character has shined and there have also been times when we have failed. But all is not lost. It is not too late for us to turn to God who is our true hope and only salvation and strive to be better!

Moving forward, St. John Vianney Parish will continue our approach of a phased re-opening. We will try not to hold back too much nor do we want to race too far ahead of ourselves.  Courage, patience and trust are needed.  As we receive permission, we will continue to increase our capacity at Mass and the level of our parish activities. Currently, we are allowed to have up to 50% capacity of the church for Masses.  That translates to 825 people at each Mass in the church.  With that limit, we still have room for people at this time. The ropes on the pews have been removed and people are asked to keep two empty spaces between families. We have returned to in-person Religious Formation for youth and sacramental preparation for adults. All of our offices are now open except for Social Services Ministries.  In January, 2021, we will expand our activities on a select and limited basis.  Tentatively, this will include resuming our Young Children’s Program (YCP), the nursery and certain Parish Life and Adult Formation events. Pastoral Care and Social Services Ministries will be examined on a more limited case by case basis.  Gradually activities will be added through Lent and the Easter season.  The next major phase will be Summer 2021. We are examining how we may have some special events during this time period for youth and families. Lastly, we hope and anticipate a total re-opening for the Fall of 2021. All of this, of course, is dependent upon situations beyond our control, the government and the chancery.

Even though we are not able at this time to open Social Services Ministries, we continue to assist the poor and needy in our area. We are currently hosting a Turkey Drive for Thanksgiving. We will have Gift Giving Sunday as in years past.  We continue to aid those in need through our financial support of our collaborators (Catholic Charities, Memorial Assistance Ministries) and the poor parishes that so much need our help.  Liturgically, we will increase the number of weekday masses during Advent and we will offer additional masses on Christmas Day and Christmas Eve in the Activity Center to accommodate social distancing. During Advent, we will again offer confessions before all of the weekday masses.

Financially, we continue on our emergency budget. We have borrowed some from our savings but overall we continue to hold our own. Cancelling the bazaar, falling behind in DSF and the decrease in Sunday collections has had a real impact on us, but we continue to fulfill our mission.  At the onset of this crisis, I had several goals for our parish.  On the spiritual side, I wanted us to stay strong in our faith and close to the Lord. I wanted our parish to provide sacraments and pastoral care to the most number of people possible. I also wanted to maintain contact and keep our parishioners connected to the parish especially those who cannot be physically present on campus.  On the administrative side, I wanted to keep all of our full time employees on the job receiving their full salary and bring back our part time and seasonal employees as soon as possible.  I deeply desire that those who depend upon our parish financially not be further hurt by us not being able to assist them during this time.  We have had to make some adjustments and learn to do things differently. We have not been able to do everything that we wanted, but we are still working at it every day.

Are things perfect?  Hardly! Have we made mistakes along the way? Certainly. Are we finished? Not yet.  Are we giving up? Absolutely not! We will continue with God’s grace and your continued prayers and support to do what we always strive to do, be a vibrant parish of Living Faith, Changing Lives and Making a Difference!

In pace Christi,
Fr. Troy

 

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, Father Troy's Weekly Letter

Parish Update

Dear Friends in Christ,

I would like to give you an update on things here in the parish.  We hope to have our Annual Report ready soon and it will be published on our website. To say that this has been a challenging year is a gross understatement.  For us here at St. John Vianney, it has not been just one year of challenges but several.  In the last few years, we have had to contend with a downturn in the energy industry. The low price of oil has impacted not just the energy companies but also our parish as so many parishioners work in that industry.  As companies reduced staffing, this impacted the livelihood of many of our families.  Then there was Hurricane Harvey and the devastating floods that affected so many families in our area leaving their homes damaged or destroyed.  Many have yet to recover and our parish continues to aid families who have suffered so greatly.  We cannot forget the Memorial Drive construction that went on for years and years!  Memorial Drive looks very nice now and we are all grateful but like so many in our area the delays in construction had a negative impact on the parish.  Today, we face the coronavirus pandemic – enough said. 

Each of these events presented our parish with significant challenges – Mass attendance, evangelization efforts, missionary work, finances and more.  Every time it looked like we were turning the bend in recovery, something more serious arose to knock us back down.  Well, we may be down but we are not out!  To each of these crises, we have been able to respond by the grace of God.  We have responded with determination and with a deep love for God and our neighbor.  We have responded in faith.  With God’s mercy and love, we live with hope for even greater blessings to come.  We are not naïve.  We know that there will be more challenges in the future and that there is more work to be done in confronting and overcoming our current situation, but we continue to move forward in faith. 

How have we responded and where are we at? 

Our first priority has been to keep our eyes fixed on the Lord.  “God First” is not just a catch phrase or slogan, it is how we try to live in all circumstances.  By frequent and regular communication, we have attempted to aid our parishioners in staying close to the Lord during this time of trial.  We have reached out using various means to communicate with our parishioners to keep them connected and encouraged.  While we have been shut down and unable to conduct almost any of our normal activities, we have kept the church open for prayer.  We have provided on-line spiritual resources to help strengthen our spiritual lives and prayer at home.  When we were allowed to resume Masses in May, we added extra Masses and confession times. In addition to Mass and confession, we resumed weddings, baptisms and funerals, keeping the health protocols.   

During this time, we have become masters of ZOOM and TEAMS, hosting meetings and classes on-line.  While we have not been able to offer direct assistance through our Social Services Ministries, we have held two “Drive By Food Drives” collecting nearly 14,000 lbs. of food for those in need.  We hosted a successful parish blood drive providing for the sick in local hospitals.  SJV sent parish missionaries to Eagle Pass to continue our home repair efforts and our Parish Disaster Response Team responded to those in need following Hurricane Laura in Louisiana.  We have kept our financial commitments during this most trying time to the dozens of schools, clinics, parishes and others that rely on our support.  We assisted three additional parishes who have been unable to pay their bills during the shutdown. Our financial picture is still tight.  Our collections are down and we have no extra income from any of our other normal sources (fees and additional collections).  Our part time staff (YCP, Nursery staff, sextons) remain furloughed.  We have eliminated some full time positions that have been vacated.  We continue to keep spending at reduced emergency levels.  This means that our budget does not allow for spending outside the essentials.   

Moving Forward 

Beginning Saturday, September 26 the archdiocese will allow us to have up to 50% capacity in the church.  We will no longer be required to use only every other pew.  People will continue to be asked to keep the safety precautions of washing their hands often, wearing face coverings and keeping social distance.  All the surfaces in the church will continue to be treated with an anti-microbial barrier that kills bacteria and viruses. Cardinal DiNardo continues to require that Holy Communion be administered only in the hand and only by priests and deacons.   

We will continue offering the 12:10 weekday Mass at least through Christmas.  We have also been allowed to resume in-person Youth Formation and sacramental preparation for adults.  At this time, no other gatherings or activities are permitted on campus by the archdiocese.  RCIA, Adult Confirmation and Youth Ministry have already begun.  In-person Youth Formation (CCE) will resume beginning November 2.   To accomplish this, we will first need a sufficient number of volunteer catechists and assistants.  At this moment, we are approximately fifty (50) adults shy to meet the needs of our youth and the requirements of social distancing.   

With the relaxation of restrictions on nursing homes, care facilities and retirement residences, we hope to resume our pastoral care of our parishioners and others in these centers.  There remain restrictions, so only the priests and deacons will be able to serve the more than 120 seniors under our care. 

Due to the cancellation of the parish bazaar for 2020, we are looking at ways to make up the $300,000 loss.  These funds support our SJV Charities.  We are also exploring options in the spring so parishioners may gather together in a fun and relaxed environment when COVID-19 is no longer an imminent threat.   

Our hope and prayer is that the parish may resume most of our activities in January, 2021.  This will include our Young Children’s Program, nursery, adult formation, social activities, Social Services Ministries (Joseph’s Coat, Food Pantry etc.) and others.  Planning is now underway.   Some of our activities will not be able to resume until the fall of 2021.  

A Future Filled With Hope  

St. John Vianney Parish is more than our buildings, programs and activities.  We are a family of faith in God and we are filled with hope.  God has always been our strength and our source of joy.  As we move to resume activities we also look to new opportunities of loving God and bringing God’s love to others. 

In pace Christi,
Fr. Troy

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, Father Troy's Weekly Letter, SJV News

Generosity at its Finest

Thank you!

On September 12, almost 100 volunteer SJV parishioners came together to collect food for our Drive-by Food Drive. In total, 243 vehicles/families dropped off and donated food over a span of 4 1/2 hours. We also had special donations from St. John Paul II & St. John XXIII Catholic Schools, donating more than 800 food items and 146 grocery bags respectively. Volunteers delivered approximately 7,000 pounds of food to Catholic Charities and West Houston Assistance Ministries. 

View Photo Gallery 

 

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates, SJV News

Being Happily married in a pandemic

Download Printable PDF Version

Tips from Pastoral Ministry

Try to avoid being critical. Knowing that many of us are on edge right now means it is not the best time to point out your spouse’s mistakes. Instead try to express gratefulness when they do even little things to make life easier. Even if it is a “thank you for washing the dishes” several times a week. A little show of appreciation can go a long way.

Practice proactive listening. With all the new distractions we have, our minds seem to be busier than ever. Ask your spouse what is on their mind and really take the time to listen. We don’t need to give them advice or solve or fix anything. Just by allowing them to express what is on their minds we will give them an opportunity for some relief.

Understand that we all are dealing with this current crisis in our own way. It is unlikely that you will see eye to eye on everything at any point in a marriage. Now with the added pressures of the pandemic, it is even more unlikely. Try instead to help them understand the emotions behind what they are experiencing. Often when we can name the feeling we can begin to heal and better understand each other.

Take time for a retreat. It may not be possible to get away to a retreat house, but allow each other to spend some quality time alone. This time in prayer and meditation can be a breath of fresh air as we try to take a look inside ourselves. Even if it is only 30 minutes a day, go to a room alone and take your journal with you. Remember you don’t have to go anywhere, God is always present.

Have a family meeting to form a schedule. Routine can be a great crutch to lean on in these uncertain times. Sit down with the family and divide the daily chores and activities. Plan time for study and homework, meals together, prayer and relaxation. Be sure not to plan too tightly, we always need room for spontaneity.

Schedule your fights. Let’s face it, even in the best marriages there will be issues from time to time. To keep a disagreement from escalating into a full-blown war, set up some basic rules.

  1. Sit down and look at each other before the discussion.
  2. Make sure that there are no distractions and no interruptions.
  3. Take turns speaking and actually listening.
  4. No name calling!
  5. If things get too heated have a safe word or simply call a time out. (A time-out is good for 30 minutes in which you step away to calm down and clear your mind.)
  6. Do not start these discussions until you have settled down from the day.
  7. Pray about what is unsettling in your marriage. Give God room to be God.

Take a walk together. Not only will this provide some physical exercise, it will allow you to be alone and open for just engaging in light conversation. This also can get you out of the house and away from the children. If they are too young to leave at home, sit outside in the fresh air. Placing ourselves in a low stress environment opens up our ability to communicate calmly.

If you are both working from home it is hard to set and respect boundaries. Before barging in and sharing your thoughts or concerns, ask permission. By asking; “is this a good time to talk?” we show respect for our spouse. If the answer is no, make an appointment for having the discussion.

Your spouse cannot read your mind. It is important that we ask each other specifically for what we want. If we make our expectations clear, it will greatly improve our chances of having them met. Say; “I would love for you to decide what we will have for dinner tonight.” This is much better than saying; “You never tell me what you want for dinner.” If you have had a tough day, it is fine to ask; “Would you mind rubbing my right shoulder?” Being specific helps our spouse to know exactly what we need.

Make time to laugh! Look, all of this news and daily change in information is depressing for all of us. Set aside time to watch a funny movie, play a board game and just be plain silly. Our anxiety will not help our situation, we are unable to change what is going on, but we can change how we react to what is going on.

Pray, Pray, Pray. Make sure that individually and as a couple, you take the time to pray. Pray for your marriage, your family, you jobs, your parish and for our country. Prayer is powerful and ought to be our first response to issues and not our last resort.

More COVID-19 Resources

Filed Under: Coronavirus Updates

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